Pick up a paper (yes, they do still exist), turn on a TV or
radio, log on to the internet and we are blasted with a gazillion images and
stories. It seems the more evolved technologically we become the more devolved
we become as human beings. Everywhere we turn, it is chaos, hate, greed,
destruction, struggles for power, sprinkled ever so lightly with stories of triumph
and love. Where did it all start going wrong and how do we take back control?
As someone diagnosed as OCD, I live an ongoing battle with “Control”.
It is a love/hate daily battle. What is Control and do any of us really have
it? Does it really exist or is it just an illusion. We all want to feel in
control of our own lives, but are we really. Now, I’m not talking about cause
and effect or choices.
We all make choices that steer our lives and those around us
one way or another. We all know people who have not evolved to accept
accountability for their own actions. Those who want to blame everything and
everyone for why their lives are not what they want them to be. As adults we
have to take responsibility for those choices and the consequences of them. That
is not the same thing as being in control of our lives. We do have free will.
We do have the ability to shape our destiny with the choices we make. Sometimes
we make great choices. Sometimes we make disastrous ones and that’s when we
have to accept responsibility for things not going the way we want. These are
the moments that can define us and change our lives. Good or bad, the choices
we make have the ability to teach us to be better people. It’s all in how we
handle it.
All that being said, what about control. Do we have control
over our lives or is it just an illusion? And if it is just an illusion, who is
at the control helm? The universe is a vast, magnificent and perplexing entity.
Because we are all made up of the energy of the universe and we are all
connected to everyone and everything, we are all effected by things unseen and
unknown. Things done by people we will never know can affect things that happen
in our lives. The environment into which we are born can have lasting effects
on who we become and the choices we make. Mother Nature can wreak havoc on our
lives and we can wreak havoc on Mother Nature causing repercussions for the
future.
We read the paper and see mass shootings, suicide bombers,
genocide as one example. For the victims of these heinous acts of violence,
they had no control. Sure they chose to be in a given place at a given time,
but they were helpless to know what was about to occur, helpless to prevent it.
We mourn for and pray for those in those circumstances. There are even those who pass judgement on
the victims for the choices that led them to that place, that moment, that
time. Reality - That could have been me or you because control is an illusion.
We do not control our lives or our destiny. I won’t philosophize
on who or what does control the universe. We all have our own higher power and
paths to follow. We may not have control but we do have the freedom to make
choices. Good or bad, right or wrong, it is all subjective and relative. So
what do we do? How do we make sense of it all? If we don’t truly have control,
how do we deal?
If you think about it, from the moment we are born, we are
thrust into a world of no control. For some it is a world of chaos and for some
a world of love. We spend our childhood adapting and sometimes rebelling over
our lack of control, because we have that beautiful illusion that one we are
adults, we will be in control. Our lives will be ours. Oh how naïve we were.
Then we reach adulthood and discover, no, our lives are not our own. To live we
must give over our beautiful illusion of control to our families/significant
others, our work place, our communities, dare I say it, our political leaders.
And that is not even factoring in the crazies, the violent people, the selfish
and greedy people, and the needy people that shape the world around us in negative
ways. That is not factoring in the well-meaning people, who only want to help
those around them, like our doctors, nurses, firefighters, police, military and
even counselors and therapist. Then we must always be aware of Mother Nature,
for she can conjure magnificent weather that both aids and destroys the world
around us. Even in death, the majority of us will not have control.
This leads to that phrase so many are opposed to hearing, “Everything
happens for a reason.” We love that phrase when all is right in our world. But
when things are not going well or when facing devastation, often we are
insulted by what we perceive as an insinuation that somehow we have deserved
the bad things that befall us. You have those against that phrase point out
starving children and babies dying, who never had a chance to live. Did they
deserve that? No, of course not. Not deserving the things out of our control
does not mean they didn’t happen for a reason. We must remember that everything
is a catalyst for something else. It is not a matter of what is deserved. There
is a bigger picture than our small little world.
So how do we learn to deal with our lack of control over our
lives? Ideally, we accept it and we stop chasing after it. I can tell you from
experience that is so much easier said than done. But by coming to the
realization that control is out of our hands, we can achieve a certain
serenity. By taking responsibility for the choices we make and the things we
set in motion by our choices. By learning from those choices we can make our
individual world a better place and ourselves better people. By learning that
we need to take the time to respond to what happens around us, instead of
simply reacting, we have the ability to shape the universe, change our
destinies. There will always be other factors that have control over our lives.
That is not something we can change. We can change how we choose to see our
world. We can choose what we want our world to be.
We have to stop seeking control and fighting the universe
for it. Stop making ourselves crazy over the things we cannot control and start
making the choices that will steer the universe in the direction we hope it
goes. We cannot control the world around us but we can chose to make better
choices not just for ourselves but for all things.
